Make Up Your Freakin' Mind, Already
I went on a bit of a weekend road trip recently with The Professor. (Feel free to refer to my earlier post about my relationship resume for context.) We went to one of the USA's major metropolitan cities for a couple of days (as friends) and had a pretty good time. We checked out the city, hit up a museum and popular park, went dancing and even took in a movie. It was a good weekend.
On our last day in the city, when our bags had been loaded into the car, but before we hit the highway, we stopped for lunch. Now, for the entire weekend, one of the trends had been our inability to decide what to do, where to eat and when to move. Over lunch, my semi-plutonic travelling companion asked me about my comfort level when it comes to making decisions. This question evolved into a 30-minute conversation about the responsibility of being the "decision-maker" in a family or relationship. I shared that, as a single parent, I make all of the decisions all of the time and it's nice to sometimes share that responsibility with someone else or, in some cases, relinquish it altogether. He also shared his perspective of how that responsibility often becomes unequally distributed between genders in relationships. Blah blah blah....its was a good conversation. Fast forward to yesterday, when it hit me - "it" being one of the (probable) reasons my relationships have never been.....fulfilling (to say the least). I've taken the idea of compromise to new lows of spinelessness, accepted that which is unacceptable (with hopes that they will one day get better) and, essentially, allowed myself to settle for far less than I deserve or even want.
Let's take The Professor, for example: he's got all the checks and balances covered on my list - everything is even wrapped up in a big, strong and handsome bow, BUT I've somehow managed to convince myself that I am fine settling for some undefined, obscure "friends +" status (not to be confused for friends with benefits.....at least that I would understand). In actuality, what I want is a way of relating to each other that has more clarity than he can/will provide.
...and a turkey burger with a side of sweet potato fries for lunch.
~TSC~
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That is a very hard decision to have to make... I was in a similar position (hell, my guy was so commitment phobic I was able to write a book about our relationship. My advice is to follow your heart. Figure out what / who matters to you. there is no right or wrong, unless you are hurting yourself in the process - do you know what I mean?
ReplyDeleteCompletely get it! I have been walking the fine line between delayed gratification and outright self-harm and I think my heart (and gut) are leading me to create some emotional distance - at least for now - for my own sake.
DeleteI'd love to read your book!
Sometimes not making a decision is the decision. Been there . . .
ReplyDeleteAmen to that! Actions (or rather, inaction, in this case) speak louder than words, right?
DeleteYup I was going to say "If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice." which is probably my favorite Rush quote.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear that you guys are thinking and talking about it though! That's a step in the right direction. :)
Great 6WS topic!
AJ @ Naturally Sweet
Author of Armageddon: Pick Your Plot
I think that's the consensus at this point - and the right direction may end up being separate ones. Womp womp.
DeleteNot to quote a silly pop culture book, but maybe he's just not that into you...which is okay, everyone isn't going to fall madly in love with you. So if he hasn't yet, I'd say move on emotionally -- you can still be friends and enjoy each other's company, but you need to let go of ANY expectations. If letting go of "hope" makes you less interested in spending time with him...then let go of him altogether. Life is too short. Don't ever settle. Ever.
ReplyDeleteIt's true...and though I often wish he would just out and out say that, I'm realizing that he really has been telling me how he feels all along. But I love your advice. I once heard that if you settle for less than you deserve, you'll always get less than you settled for. (or something like that) In short - settling is never a good idea.
DeleteThanks for your words!