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Saturday, August 31, 2013

6WS: To Invest or Not To Invest?

Who? And when? And how do you know if it's worth it?  Investing your time, energy and feelings into someone, that is.  I've been trying to gather some perspective from my mentors and friends and this vast and seemingly endless blogsphere, but there doesn't seem to be a consensus.

"Jump in with both feet!"

"Fall hard - the bruises are worth it."

"Be careful....you can't trust anyone really."

"Take your time and go slowly, but give folks a chance."

"What's the point? Even if things lead to a ring, chances are you'll get divorced anyways...."

(These are just a few of the highlights.)

So now I'm appealing to those of you who have stumbled across my little pice of the cyberworld. I've recently started dating someone.  He's lovely, but things are still new. (I'm not practicing my married signature or anything.) Here's my dilemma: he's not from the same city as me.  Actually we hail from two different countries, but his profession has brought him to a city near me until the end of the year.  There is a chance he could be back next year, but we won't know until we know.  Here's the question: is it worth it to even get to know this person, understanding that we are (to seal a line from Miss Carrie Bradshaw) "expiration dating?"  It's already time-stamped. And since, ultimately, I'm not just dating for kicks and giggles, is spending my time with the Globetrotter a waste?  Or is it always worth the time if you're happy?

That's the question.  Your thoughts are appreciated....


Monday, August 19, 2013

Monday's Must Nots....kinda

I've had a very poetic weekend. It was magic. And the magic and has spilled over onto this beautiful Monday morning wherein I am going to slightly hijack my own blog and post some poetry of my own creation.  I've taken a writing prompt from Warsan Shire's poem 34 Excuses for Why We Failed at Love

So, instead of a list of things I must not do this week, I am giving you a list of reasons that I must not date a poet....enjoy!

16 Reasons I Could Never Date a Poet

1. Because I fall deeply in love with words and every time I heard a dope poem I would feel like I'm cheating on you
2. Because I couldn't bear the jealousy of watching you speak your magic to anyone else
3. Because I need you to work out our issues with me and not through ink
4. Because I don't want our life to be reconstructed for and performed to dimly lit rooms of strangers against the backdrop of string basses and snapping fingers
5. Because I'm not actually a great speller
6. Because I'd love and hate to read myself in the pages of your notebook
7. Because I can't handle the pressure of giving birth to a poem and trying to raise her into a legend
8. Because you will always make far more sense in similes, matter more in metaphors and appear far more accurate in intentionally-crafted imagery than in flesh
9. Because I'm not sure that I will ever measure up to the way you write about me
10. Because the way my heart gets taken, my words could never belong to just you
11. Because we both write to escape and we would spend our lives running to and from each other
12. Because I would want you to speak to me with the eloquence that you do in performance and I know better
13. Because you probably write about love because you're still trying to figure it out
14. Because I write about love because I'm still trying to figure it out
15. Because at least one of us needs to have feet firmly planted....we can't both be dreamers
16. Because life isn't long enough for me to write you into existence

Saturday, August 17, 2013

6WS: Head-scratcher

But if not at work, where?

I made a decision a while back that I was no longer going to get involved with anyone I worked with. I have done it on multiple occasions and it has always ended badly.

During my stint with The Player, we kept our relationship secret at work and played some real-life version of a great escape video game every time we left shift together.  I'm serious...he would leave out the back, I would pick him up on the corner.  We would only communicate in the elevator or in über-business like fashion when under the watchful eye of co-workers or our clients. It was exhausting. And not at all fruitful.  When things ended, we still worked at the same place...and so did the woman he left me for. (Whole other story...) But it was awkward.

Scene two: The Fiancé. We didn't work at the same place, but our companies worked together on a lot of projects and therefore we were often in the same building, shared a lot of the same colleagues and generally spent quite a bit of paid time together.  It evolved into a relationship, a ring, an abusive hot mess and many many questions from mutually known people about what went down. Private? Not exactly.

Scene Three: The Professor.  Now, we weren't ever truly in a relationship, but we dated for eight months and went on a trip together before he decided he only wanted to be friends.  Much like the Fiancé, we didn't have the same employer, but met at work because we shared the same physical space for our jobs.  I must be really good at dancing, because we two-stepped around each other in that building, maintained an air of professionalism and hid our personal relationship (friends or otherwise) from everybody around.

I'm all about maintaining boundaries between my work life and my private life, but I'm also super sick of feeling like somebody's dirty little secret.  So, I decided to stop dating men that I work with...and then it hit me.

All I do is work.  So, if I'm not going to meet men during working hours.....how the hell am I ever going to meet anyone?

This is not a rhetorical question (entirely). I truly am curious: for the working professionals out there - maybe you have a child like I do, maybe you have a full-time job and are also building a business like me.  Where do you find the time?  Where do you find that person - anybody - to spend your very scarce down time with, to get to know them and to not have to act out the deleted scenes from Mission Impossible to hide it from those around you?  I'd appreciate some insight.

Oh, and this message will self-destruct in 5....4.....3....2.....


One day. Six words. Play along.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Single Chicks and Dangled Carats


Guess who's got a bunch of exclamation points to spare and is the guest blogger is over at Dangled Carat today??  This chick!!!!!! Hope on over to Hillary's space and check it out.  And hey, while you're there, poke around and read the stories of love and lessons and commitment-phobia that are all to familiar to may of us.  Hillary has got a fantastic blog and a book to go with it -- head on over, check it out, weigh in on the topic....you can thank me later.


Monday, August 12, 2013

Monday's Must Nots....

You have only one job this week.  Only one this you must not do.....

Take your damn hand off the self-destruct button. 

Ain't no undoing that....

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Six Word Saturday - In Poetry

She wrote my DNA in words.

Warsan Shire is a 25-year old Kenyan-born Somali poet who currently lives in London.  I was introduced to her poetry recently, but she isn't new to the art - her poetry already translated into multiple languages other than English and (wait for it).....she's coming to TORONTO!!  I can't wait to hear her words live, PLUS, I will be in attendance at a writing workshop she will be holding the day before.  

Ever since I heard this poem, I can't get it out of my head.  It speaks to my core like no other poem ever has.  I'm even considering the last lines for a tattoo....

"...you are terrifying and strange and beautiful; something not everyone knows how to love."

Have a listen....


It's Saturday...and you know what that means.  The gang is gathered over at Call Me Cate's place and they're started on another round of Six Words.  You can play along too.  Share your six.
(The button will take you there!)

Thursday, August 8, 2013

100 Words... #tbt

Another throwback...to not that long ago, actually, but it was another blog from another time. Anyways, the poem is exactly 100 words. That was the challenge....not 101, not 99. Its a good writing prompt. 50, 100. Pick a number and stick to it. I'd love to read some of yours if you take me up on the challenge....


Once I could again breathe,
I didn't know whether to be angry or ashamed.
I had been hit with every name in the book
And both of his fists...
I'd been thrown into the wall, then onto the bed -
Last vision was him overhead
Before hands unclenched
(Just enough to fit my neck)
And then pressed down.
Time slowed.
He did not --
Holding my gaze
And my breath hostage.

And then it was over.

"I should go," he said,
Taking the stairs
And my pride.
But leaving the ring.

And then an hour later, he came back for that, too.



Monday, August 5, 2013

Monday's Must Nots

1. Don't believe the hype

Words. Actions.  Throw them on either side of the scale and see which one is worth its weight in gold.  Tell them all to put up or shut up.  Then believe that.

2. Don't get wooed into the idea that you "don't need labels"

Okay, this is a personal preference, but I need clear lines and language.  I mean, we don't have to define things three minutes into our first date, but once we've been hanging out for some time on a fairly regular basis, I see nothing wrong with making sure both parties are on the same page.  (Or at least reading the same book!!)

3. Don't lose sight of the big picture

Things are fun, light, easy....and that's super awesome.  Don't throw away the non-negotiables you set out in those sober, rational moments.

4. Don't allow the search for a partner to trump everything else in your life

Remember your life?  Your friends and family and career and fitness goals and travel plans and......

5. Don't check your phone too often

Ok, this one may seem a little out of left field....and it kinda is.  But seriously, how often do we all check our phones? Text messages, missed calls, voice mails, email, internet, wiki-this, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and countless other social media outlets that I'm not nearly cool enough to be a part of.  Its kinda liberating to giver yourself permission NOT to check them for a little while.  Try it out.  Report back.

That's it for me.


Saturday, August 3, 2013

6WS: It's Raining Men (No Hallelujah here!)

After calling off my engagement last year, I went through a bit of  a dry spell in the romance department.  Sure, I needed time to heal blah, blah....but by the time I was ready to put myself back out there, I really started to wonder where the heck all the good men had run off to.  There was that moment with The Professor that turned out to be a big waste of everybody's time and energy, but beyond that - nada.

And then something happened....I'm not exactly sure what the catalyst was for this change, but suddenly there are a number of men vying for my attention.  Sounds exciting, doesn't it???

It's not.  

I have never been the girl who can date more than one guy at a time.  Maybe that's (insert some negative adjective here) of me, but I just don't know how to do it.  I like to get to know people without feeling like I'm on some damn game show.  I don't want to have to balance an overflowing social calendar with all the other stuff I have going on in my life.  I don't even know that rules of multiple man dating.  Do I keep that information private?  Should I be up front and let them know I'm dating other people?  What if I start to like one of them...how do I end things with the others?  Is there a responsibility for full disclosure at that point?  What if someone starts to like me??

Seriously, I'm exhausted just thinking about the logistics of all of this.....

You know the 6WS drill by now.....visit Call Me Cate and show everyone a bit of comment luv, won't ya?!