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Saturday, August 17, 2013

6WS: Head-scratcher

But if not at work, where?


I made a decision a while back that I was no longer going to get involved with anyone I worked with. I have done it on multiple occasions and it has always ended badly.

During my stint with The Player, we kept our relationship secret at work and played some real-life version of a great escape video game every time we left shift together.  I'm serious...he would leave out the back, I would pick him up on the corner.  We would only communicate in the elevator or in über-business like fashion when under the watchful eye of co-workers or our clients. It was exhausting. And not at all fruitful.  When things ended, we still worked at the same place...and so did the woman he left me for. (Whole other story...) But it was awkward.

Scene two: The Fiancé. We didn't work at the same place, but our companies worked together on a lot of projects and therefore we were often in the same building, shared a lot of the same colleagues and generally spent quite a bit of paid time together.  It evolved into a relationship, a ring, an abusive hot mess and many many questions from mutually known people about what went down. Private? Not exactly.

Scene Three: The Professor.  Now, we weren't ever truly in a relationship, but we dated for eight months and went on a trip together before he decided he only wanted to be friends.  Much like the Fiancé, we didn't have the same employer, but met at work because we shared the same physical space for our jobs.  I must be really good at dancing, because we two-stepped around each other in that building, maintained an air of professionalism and hid our personal relationship (friends or otherwise) from everybody around.

I'm all about maintaining boundaries between my work life and my private life, but I'm also super sick of feeling like somebody's dirty little secret.  So, I decided to stop dating men that I work with...and then it hit me.

All I do is work.  So, if I'm not going to meet men during working hours.....how the hell am I ever going to meet anyone?

This is not a rhetorical question (entirely). I truly am curious: for the working professionals out there - maybe you have a child like I do, maybe you have a full-time job and are also building a business like me.  Where do you find the time?  Where do you find that person - anybody - to spend your very scarce down time with, to get to know them and to not have to act out the deleted scenes from Mission Impossible to hide it from those around you?  I'd appreciate some insight.


Oh, and this message will self-destruct in 5....4.....3....2.....

~TSC~

One day. Six words. Play along.

12 comments:

  1. When you find the answer to your dating dilemma I do hope you share! My last relationship was a "dirty little secret" and I refused to play the game after awhile, and the fella ended up with a new dirty little secret. Oh well, his loss not mine!

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    1. Absolutely his loss....and when it comes to these type of secrets, nobody ever really wins. If I find the key, I'll be sure to let you know, Ruth! Thanks for sharing :)

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  2. sheer luck is how I met my sweetie pie- certainly NOT at work!

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    1. Luck....gotta get me some of that! Well, fingers crossed for me then!!

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  3. Two of my sons met their wives online. One is a video game designer, and he met his current wife in a video game chat room. The other met his wife on Match.com; I think she was the 3rd woman he dated from that site; the first two he only dated a couple of times, but he dated his wife for a year; they were engaged for a year, and they flew to Jamaica for a destination wedding last May. They are happy as clams. He is 40, divorced with a son 12 and a daughter 9; she is 44, divorced with 3 sons, 18, 22 and 24. He owns his own business and she does, too. In April, they rented joint space in a shopping plaza; she has a real estate firm, and he has a store selling 4 wheel drive parts and accessories. Good luck! Hope you meet the right guy soon!

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    1. I've always been a bit guarded when it comes to the online thing. I'm nervous that I'm going to meet socially inept wierdos, to be perfectly honest....figuring that all the "normal" people who can't find love are too skeptical for online dating (like me). But the more I hear about my friends and family (and fellow blogger's family members) finding their matches online, the more I'm being swayed to open my mind. Thanks for the push....

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  4. I can't help you much. I met my husband while singing in a church choir. He sat behind me, and gave excellent back rubs.
    He still does, 26 years later.

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  5. So I should learn to sing, join a choir and feign muscle soreness. Done, done and done!!

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  6. if you go online 'just' to meet mr. amazing, you are going to have to wade through a huge number of fools to find him. If you go online to communicate, play games, or to join a forum for other purposes anyone you meet there will already have at least one thing in common with you. And for some reason people tend to be less guarded online, often unintentionally revealing themselves as they really are. Bright, silly, dense, short tempered.
    And it does work. I have two friends who met their spouses online, and I have no doubt that the emotional connection can be there, and very strong, without the distraction of body language, 'dating' or those long unnerving silences. And also without the awkwardness of having to break up with someone face to face.

    And you dont even have to dress up or comb your hair!

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    1. See, mittens....now you're speaking my language!! Transparency and low maintenance. I just may try this online thing after all.....are there wonderfully charming, single, funny and compassionate men on Pinterest???

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  7. that i dont know. its entirely possible. only one way to find out, isnt there...(wicked grin)

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    1. Mittens, mittens....I like your style ;)

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