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Saturday, September 14, 2013

6WS

Should you trust a "gut feeling?"


Emotionally, things are great.  When you're together he makes you feel special, beautiful, like the only woman in the world.  He speaks to you kindly, shows you physical attention, opens and holds every door for you. He says he wants to be your best friend, to be the one you can confide in. He wants you to feel as though you can tell him anything,  because you can he says. He walks closest to the road so that you feel safe. He calls you his lady and stands to greet your friends.  He may have genuinely never heard the news bulletin that chivalry has apparently kicked the bucket - nope, in his world it is alive and well, and training to participate in the Iron Man challenge next month.  This man makes you feel really, really good in your heart.  You just may be able to fall for this guy.

Intellectually, things make sense.  He is gainfully employed in his field of choice.  You are well aware of the economic reality of your society and that employment is not guaranteed these days, but he is also fairly level-headed and ambitious.  He's shared his plan B. He works hard - that's a plus.  He asks about your son and family. He is financially responsible.  There are a few areas that need some work - communication, for example.  However, he is also aware of his areas for improvement and you are comfortable with giving him the space and time to make the improvements that he has identified that he would like to work on.  Self-directed self-improvement - you can get down with that.  Intrinsic motivation, you go boy!

So then, why is your gut still unsure.  There is not logical or emotional reasoning to it, but something between your sternum and your pelvis is unsettled at the thought of the possibility of true exclusive commitment and longevity with this person.

When everything else adds up, how much stock should we put in a gut feeling?


Join in the Six Word Saturday party that's happening over in Call Me Cate's part of the world. The button will take you there. (It's almost magic!)

11 comments:

  1. Visiting from SITS! Great blog! I wish I had something like this when I was single!! Great way to talk this out with others in the same situation! :)

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    1. Yup, that's the goal -- to have strangers help me sort my life out. (There are some very wise folks out there in the bloggy world!!) Thanks for visiting!

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  2. I'm here from 6WS. Of course, everyone is different, but personally I have NEVER been sorry when I go with my gut. I'm usually just sorry that I didn't listen to my gut sooner. That inner voice is in there for a reason. It may not be telling you to get out of the relationship, but maybe it's telling you to just slow down.
    Just my two cents--from someone totally outside of the situation!

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    1. Ah!! There is a timing thing to the gut - very true. I think my only gut-related regrets are the same. But somehow -- even knowing this -- I manage to doubt the feeling every time when it seems illogical. Thanks for your two cents...trust me, it's all adding up!

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  3. In my personal experience I've found that not going with my gut instincts have led to disastrous results. However, sometimes I find it hard to differentiate between my gut and my fear. Sometimes, they seem to get intertwined or switch spots or something. I would say to always trust your gut but always make absolutely sure that it really is your gut that you are listening to.

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    1. YES!! That's the exact conundrum! What exactly IS that feeling? Fear? Gut? That Cali-style Venti Caramel Macchiato that I washed my cheesecake down with? Maybe it's not so much that I don't trust my gut instincts, but more that I'm not confident in my ability to identify a gut feeling to begin with. Thanks Porcelain Lotus!

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  4. I totally trust my gut. Always. I have never, ever gone wrong when I have done so. OTOH, I think Porcelain Lotus has a great point. It *is* hard sometimes to know the difference between your gut and your fear. That's the hard part.

    Still, at the end of the day, if that little voice is still speaking to me, I listen. --Lisa

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  5. Oooh, tough one, especially with previous commenters bring the idea of fear into the mix. Only you can know if this is fear that things are too good to be true or a gut instinct that things aren't as they should be. In my case, I'm often ruled by fear and have backed away from a lot of great opportunities because of that fear but that may not be it for you.

    Which is no help at all. :) Thanks for playing 6WS! It's always so interesting to me to see how people use their six words - this is certainly no exception!

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  6. I am a strong believer in gut feelings. I dont think your gut lies... I think it senses things you don't want to realize

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    1. lol lets try this again

      I agree, there is something 'off' that your instincts are picking up. My advice would be, trust it, don't let him or your hormones talk you into anything. If it feels like he's pushing at you and you feel a reluctance, back up a bit emotionally. Watch him. Watch yourself reacting, and his responses.
      Something I used to do, and it panned out well every time: watch the way he treats waitresses, 'hired help", taxi drivers. Play a game (cards, monopoly, whatever) with him. See how he reacts when he wins, AND when he loses. And if you have special fondness for, say, dogs, see how he treats them. Seriously. If he ignores them, or brushes his pantlegs off when they get too close, he's not a dog perrson. Little things, but those tend to get larger the longer you're together.

      I'd say for now, have fun, love the hell out of him, but keep a bit of yourself apart. You may need her later to hold your hand.

      And do not let the idea that you HAVE to get married get in the way. Divorce is expensive. So is a messed up life. And you do not HAVE to get married. Really.

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