Monday's Must Nots....kinda

I've had a very poetic weekend. It was magic. And the magic and has spilled over onto this beautiful Monday morning wherein I am going to slightly hijack my own blog and post some poetry of my own creation.  I've taken a writing prompt from Warsan Shire's poem 34 Excuses for Why We Failed at Love

So, instead of a list of things I must not do this week, I am giving you a list of reasons that I must not date a poet....enjoy!

16 Reasons I Could Never Date a Poet

1. Because I fall deeply in love with words and every time I heard a dope poem I would feel like I'm cheating on you
2. Because I couldn't bear the jealousy of watching you speak your magic to anyone else
3. Because I need you to work out our issues with me and not through ink
4. Because I don't want our life to be reconstructed for and performed to dimly lit rooms of strangers against the backdrop of string basses and snapping fingers
5. Because I'm not actually a great speller
6. Because I'd love and hate to read myself in the pages of your notebook
7. Because I can't handle the pressure of giving birth to a poem and trying to raise her into a legend
8. Because you will always make far more sense in similes, matter more in metaphors and appear far more accurate in intentionally-crafted imagery than in flesh
9. Because I'm not sure that I will ever measure up to the way you write about me
10. Because the way my heart gets taken, my words could never belong to just you
11. Because we both write to escape and we would spend our lives running to and from each other
12. Because I would want you to speak to me with the eloquence that you do in performance and I know better
13. Because you probably write about love because you're still trying to figure it out
14. Because I write about love because I'm still trying to figure it out
15. Because at least one of us needs to have feet firmly planted....we can't both be dreamers
16. Because life isn't long enough for me to write you into existence

Monday's Must Nots....

You have only one job this week.  Only one this you must not do.....

Take your damn hand off the self-destruct button. 

Ain't no undoing that....

Monday's Must Nots

1. Don't believe the hype

Words. Actions.  Throw them on either side of the scale and see which one is worth its weight in gold.  Tell them all to put up or shut up.  Then believe that.

2. Don't get wooed into the idea that you "don't need labels"

Okay, this is a personal preference, but I need clear lines and language.  I mean, we don't have to define things three minutes into our first date, but once we've been hanging out for some time on a fairly regular basis, I see nothing wrong with making sure both parties are on the same page.  (Or at least reading the same book!!)

3. Don't lose sight of the big picture

Things are fun, light, easy....and that's super awesome.  Don't throw away the non-negotiables you set out in those sober, rational moments.

4. Don't allow the search for a partner to trump everything else in your life

Remember your life?  Your friends and family and career and fitness goals and travel plans and......

5. Don't check your phone too often

Ok, this one may seem a little out of left field....and it kinda is.  But seriously, how often do we all check our phones? Text messages, missed calls, voice mails, email, internet, wiki-this, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and countless other social media outlets that I'm not nearly cool enough to be a part of.  Its kinda liberating to giver yourself permission NOT to check them for a little while.  Try it out.  Report back.

That's it for me.

~TSC~

Monday's Must Nots

This week has a bit of a theme.....I bet you can guess it :)

1. Do not confuse fun with love

He makes you smile and laugh. You have a good time one-on-one and with your friends. You can be goofy, silly, ridiculous and feel oh-so comfortable. This feeling is called happiness.  You are having something called "fun". Now, as much as this may seem like a bit of a foreign concept to you, this in and of itself does not mean that you have found love.  Remember that. 

2. Do not confuse respect with love

He holds your hand not your ass. She enjoys your thoughts as much as your kisses.  You've agreed to maintain certain boundaries and neither of you have tested the line.  He keeps his word. She speaks with respect. You can disagree without needing to call in a referee.  These are respectful interactions. These in and of themselves do not mean that you have found love.  Remember this, too.

3. Do not confuse sex with love

Something about kisses, endorphins and oxytocin that can make you forget that sex -- even good sex -- in and of itself does not mean that you have found love.  Remember this before, during and especially after. For reals.

4. Do not confuse the word love with the action of love

Ever heard the phrase "actions speak louder than words?" Well, take that to the bank on this one.  "I love you" coupled with disrespect is not the act of loving. "I love you" followed by abusive language or behaviour is not the act of loving. "I love you" without concious regard for your needs and wants is not the act of loving. "I love you" on its own sounds good, feels empty and is not enough.  Remember this.

5. Do not substitute anything for what you actually want

He or she may be fun, respectful and kiss like the french...may even toss the L-word out there every once in a while, but if it doesn't feel right, it isn't.  Don't stop having fun, expect to be respected and well, do what you want with our own body, but please remember never to substitute these things for what it is that you ultimately want.

Gotta remember these.....

~TSC~

Monday's Must Nots

The aim of this week's edition of Monday's Must Nots is not necessarily to be inspirational.  Should you be inspired by it - bonus!  However, this is a list of reminders for all the single ladies out there (sure, myself included) who wish to find themselves in a meaningful, respectful, reciprocal relationship of any kind.  The list was inspired by some interesting conversations that I have had with single friends, from my own past experiences and from story after story of counterintuitive behaviour patterns by women in every facet of my life.  Let's go!!

Things not to do this week:

1. Do not mess around with anyone who is married.

Let me define a few terms here: "Married" can be substituted in this case for "in a committed relationship," "living with a partner," "engaged to be married," and "planning to leave, but still in a romantic relationship." Also: "mess around" can be used interchangeably with "sleep," "have sex," "kiss," "date," "make future plans," and "physically or emotionally connect."  Now that we have that out of the way...it has been my experience that (a) more often than not, you stay the side dish and never move to being the main....after all, you're willing to settle, so why would they give up having the best of both worlds - comfort and excitement?? (b) If they do leave for your, remember: if they cheated with you, they'll likely cheat on you and (c) even if they are 100% faithful to you, your relationship started with a lie.  Can you ever really trust them?  Hey, this is only if you want to be in an exclusive, monogamous, respectful relationship....and this is just my opinion.

Moving on...

2. When you have a partner, avoid situations that kinda-sorta look (or feel) like they may be covert dates.

So the handsome pre-med student in your human anatomy class has asked you out to lunch five or six times now and you've communicated that you have a guy in your life.  He knows this, insists that he is very interested in you but respects that and asks you out to dinner anyways....at his house. No, no...its so we can go over the lecture notes after dinner.   *WARNING* Dr. McSchemey there wants to see what he can get away with...and if your boundaries aren't clear or maybe if your curiosity is a little piqued, things can get hectic. Quickly. Proceed with caution.

3. Do not add alcohol or any other mood- or decision-altering substances into scenarios one or two.

Do I really need to elaborate on why this is a bad idea?

4. Stop telling yourself the lie that you can't, won't and aren't able to find someone to meet your standards.

Lowering them isn't going to make you any happier. You'll just find that you're settling for a situation that doesn't satisfy you. My motto (which I really should remember to follow): keep your head, heels and standards high.

5. Don't forget that lonely moments are just that - moments.

They won't last forever, so try not to make decisions in that feeling that you know you'll regret later.

That's it for today, folks! Happy Monday!

~TSC~

Monday's Must Nots....

I posted a list of 'must not do's last week and was pleasantly surprised at the emails I got from folks who felt that the message resonated with them.  So I'm bringing sexy back.....if you find lists sexy.  I appreciate  your comments, whether via email or right under the post :)

1. Don't underestimate yourself today

Mondays tend to do that to people. We're all carefree and confident on the weekend and then - BAM! Monday hits us in the face with sobering responsibility and we tend to get overwhelmed.  (Or maybe responsibility didn't quite sober us up and we're all still a little punch drunk from that Sunday brunch sangria....)  Either way, you've got what it takes to conquer that paperwork, rock that presentation, sell that cheeseburger...whatever you do - do it well! YOU ARE ENOUGH!

2. Do not try on those "thinspiration" jeans after a weekend of calorically dense food-ing

Seriously...why do that to yourself?

3. Don't let laziness/convenience/fear make you forget what is really important to you.

You want to tone up? Go to the gym.  You want to save for a house? Leave the Michael Kors store now.  You want an A on your paper?  Turn off the television and write!!  Choose between what you want now and what you want most. Act accordingly.

4. Don't worry about tomorrow. 

Today has enough issues of its own for you to deal with.  Plan for what is on the horizon, but fret not, m'love. Take this week one day at a time and you'll get there.

5. Finally, don't forget that you are loved

It is oh-so easy to do. But remembering that there is someone who absolutely cannot live without you sometimes gives you the push you need when it seems like you're all pushed out.  When your boss is ungrateful and your coworkers are inconsiderate and your friends and family seem too caught up in their own stuff to realize that you are standing in the middle of a crowded room, screaming for your life -- remember you dog Twinkles, who depends on you for his livelyhood.  Remember your niece who lights up when you come around.  Remember the lady on the bus last week who almost fell over when you told her to have a nice day, because nobody else had spoken to all week.  Please, please remember that your importance is not always spoken by the ones who value you......and carry that in your heart when it gets hard.

Or write to me and I'll remind you.

~TSC~

Manic Monday: A List of Sorts

Monday's Must Nots

1. Don't think about the ones who got away

...or the ones who let you get away. Regret is a useless emotion.  So is whatever feeling makes you call them all idiots and want to kick them in the shins when they tell you how much they loved you back then and what a mistake it was that they couldn't get their poop in a group long enough to lock it down.  Yeah, that emotion is a waste of energy, too.

2. Don't play the comparison game

Yes, most of your friends are married.  Yes, your mother was married at this age and had 2 children already...as did both of your sisters-in-law. (Well, one of them had three....but that fact isn't really helping anything, is it?) And so what if most of the people you work with - nay, ALL of the people you work with are in committed relationships?  Now that we've done that inventory, how much better off are you?  That's what I though.  Deal.

3. Don't forget about the good things

You own your own company.  You have a gorgeous son.  You are embarking on a challenging new career opportunity, just over the horizon.  And don't forget all the yummy eye candy you saw yesterday at the street festival, reminding you of all that this great city has to offer:  Music and food and handsome professionals.  Tally-ho!

4. Don't beat yourself up over the things you can't control...or (for that matter) the things you can. (For the latter - just do something about them. Details to come on a subsequent list.)

But for reals -- if you can't control it, worrying certainly isn't going to change anything.  For example: The Past.  I'll give you six million dollars right now if you can tell me anything you can do to change any single item from your past....or anyone else's.  I'll even give you time to think about it...

Go on....think.

Nothing, right?  Take a breath. Set your sights on something within your control. Resume productivity. (It feels so good!)

5. Don't miss today

You only get one of them and this is it.  Be here now. Savour it. Roll it around on your tongue and exhale it through your nose.  Enjoy the moments of nothingness that tie the chaos together. Smile at the cashier. Hold the door for someone and wish them a good day.  Give yourself permission to walk a little bit slower.

6. Don't forget to be grateful 

for everything.


~TSC~