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Saturday, August 31, 2013

6WS: To Invest or Not To Invest?

Who? And when? And how do you know if it's worth it?  Investing your time, energy and feelings into someone, that is.  I've been trying to gather some perspective from my mentors and friends and this vast and seemingly endless blogsphere, but there doesn't seem to be a consensus.

"Jump in with both feet!"

"Fall hard - the bruises are worth it."

"Be careful....you can't trust anyone really."

"Take your time and go slowly, but give folks a chance."

"What's the point? Even if things lead to a ring, chances are you'll get divorced anyways...."

(These are just a few of the highlights.)

So now I'm appealing to those of you who have stumbled across my little pice of the cyberworld. I've recently started dating someone.  He's lovely, but things are still new. (I'm not practicing my married signature or anything.) Here's my dilemma: he's not from the same city as me.  Actually we hail from two different countries, but his profession has brought him to a city near me until the end of the year.  There is a chance he could be back next year, but we won't know until we know.  Here's the question: is it worth it to even get to know this person, understanding that we are (to seal a line from Miss Carrie Bradshaw) "expiration dating?"  It's already time-stamped. And since, ultimately, I'm not just dating for kicks and giggles, is spending my time with the Globetrotter a waste?  Or is it always worth the time if you're happy?

That's the question.  Your thoughts are appreciated....



  1. My suggestion is to take it as it is, and let God lead the way. You know your time is limited, so enjoy it while it lasts. Maybe the situation will change as the relationship progresses...

  2. I'm dubious. But I'm always dubious. What have you got to go on but what the guy is telling you? Most guys are great liars.

    I guess, since you put it in terms of "investment", you have to ask yourself what you're willing to risk losing.

    Never mind. Ignore me.

  3. I am not sure how to answer your questions...or even what to advise you...but I will tell you a short story. Many years ago when I lived in California,...I was asked by my sister to attend a barbeque at her neighbor's condo, as sort of a "blind date" for her neighbor's cousin, who would be the only single guy there.

    Well, I said no repeatedly, but finally my sister's nagging broke me down and I attended.

    I was not looking for a relationship...at all, because I had recently been hurt by a man, and I was wary! I fully intended for nothing to happen, as I was just doing this as a "favor" to my sister and her neighbor, so that her cousin wouldn't feel out of place with all of those couples at the barbeque.

    Well, it was all "meant to be"...even though this guy lived a couple of hours away in another city...we saw each other every weekend after the night of the party. We had fun together, and he renewed my faith in men.

    Then, after 5 months, he told me that before we met, he had applied for a job transfer to another state, and it had come through for him. By that time I liked him a lot. I was so sad to think of losing him, because we had hit it off so well, and I cared for him a lot.

    His job transfer happened 5 months after we met, and he moved to Colorado. I was so sad...because I thought I would never see him again. However we kept up with phone calls and letters...

    8 months after he moved away...(13 months after we met)...we got married!

    Fate/destiny...God's plan..."happened", and we have been married now for 37 years! :)

    We just never know where the "turning points" in our life will come about do we???

    Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

  4. Why does it have to be "expiration dating"? Long-distance is hard but if both people are committed then it can be worth it.

    Maybe you should stop thinking about logistics for a minute and only about if he is someone you want in your life and if he is worth the effort. Then if he is, you two can work out the distance thing together. If he isn't worth the effort, then you can just have some fun and companionship while he is nearby.

  5. You only live once! I feel like a lot of people's only true regrets are the things they didn't do. Live in the moment!

  6. I think you should continue... you never know what life will bring. things change.... You may very well have an expiration date, but then again, if things work out perfectly one of you may make changes in your life. I would explore the now and enjoy it rather than missing out on it for fear of what tomorrow may bring.

  7. I do understand your hesitation. Yet I think it would be a shame to lose a lovely friend or even lover. All relationships have a termination date, whether expected or not, whether near or far down the track. And you are forewarned, so perhaps you could accept this as a sweet gift from the Universe while it lasts. (Which may turn out to be longer than you think.)

    On the other hand, this post invites more of the same— opinions from other people. Ultimately it is you who must decide. It seems you don't have a method for making such decisions. I always think following your joy and what truly excites you is the only way to go. Take a moment now — does the thought of continuing this relationship, come what may, fill you with joy and excitement, or dread?

  8. You dont know what might happen. Let it take its course, see where it goes. We now have so many ways to communicate, it seems a shame to cut off what might --or might not-- be a wonderful relationship,
    And if you are too desperate (as my mother always reminded me) to find a mate you just might scare them off. It shows in your eyes, in the way you behave, everything. Men know when they're being sized up, just the way we do, and it makes some of them very wary.

    Flow a little. Relax a little. Don't obsess about "is he the right one".

    And one final thing: sometimes, if he isn't the right one, his best friend might be. (wicked grin here)

    Rosemary, you nailed it. Now is as important as the future...

  9. there is one other thing, as well. That gut feeling is very important, once you um, give it its head, so to speak. A friend of mine said when a man lied to her, she could feel it as a grindy gritty thing in her gut. When he was telling her the truth it felt utterly different.
    For me, when a guy says "I love you" and means it, no matter how i may feel about him, it still feels like I just ran into a wall. Literally. When he says it, as so many do, just to get what they want, my first reaction is to laugh it off, to say 'no you don't." Trusting that sense has never let me down.

    If your gut tells you mr. too good to be true just might be too good to be true, go with that; slow down, see what happens. Be careful. You can still have some fun, just pay attention to him a little more closely.